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Joke of the Day

"I'm not desperate because i'm single, i'm single because i'm not desperate."

"My doctor is so young that, when I need them, he just comes in the room shouting, ""Shots! Shots! Shots!"""

"WHAT'S THE POINT OF A PSYCHIC HOTLINE IF THEY WON'T TELL ME WHERE MY OTHER SHOE IS?!"

"Radio from an American boat: Mayday, mayday. We are sinking! Radio back from a German rescue ship: What are you sinking about?"

"Did you hear about the man with no penis? He went home and gave his wife a right bollocking."

"Q: What's the difference between bird flu and swine flu? A: One requires tweetment, the other requires oinkment."

"So a sloth got robbed by 3 turtles... When the cops asked him what happened the sloth said, It. all. happened. so. fast."

"Really? Wow! (The only two things I ever say to kids)"

"A man, his sister and his wife walk into the voting booth to vote for Donald Trump. They've both given it a lot of thought."

"How old do kids have to be when you can start saying ""Fuck you."" to their faces instead of behind their backs?"