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Joke of the Day

"A Levels Despite my A Level results being A B B A, it still seems no employer will Take a Chance On Me."

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"I only have sex with the lights off to prevent having to explain some of my tattoos."
"Which mythical creature casts no reflection? All of them, technically."
"- Are you upset? Typing... Typing... Typing... Typing... - No."
"What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball? (Gagging noise) My all time favorite joke."
"[At dinner with wife's friends] Me: may I chime in Wife: I swear to God if you brought your chimes- *my bag dings a little as I unzip it*"
"Wait... ""George Bush"" ..... George Bush Geonge Elush Ginge Eleshn Ninge Elevhn NiNe EleVEN NINE ELEVEN ..... BUSH DID 9/11"
"Fuck. Was just recorded by the google earth car. Just to be clear, I was jerking off NEAR pigeons, not TO them."
"My girlfriend isn't talking to me because apparently I ""ruined"" her birthday... ..I'm not sure how that's possible, I didn't even know it was her fucking birthday."
"My wife said I needed to grow up I was speechless It's hard to say anything when you have 45 gummy bears in your mouth"