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Joke of the Day

"The frightened tourist: ""Are there any bats in this cave?"" The guide: ""There were but don't worry the snakes ate all of them."""

"Why can't you hear a pterodactyl pee? Because they're all dead"

"If you're having girl probs, I don't feel bad for you, son/ I've got ninety-nine traits but empathy ain't one"

"What did the 0 say to the 8? Nice belt!"

"""My boyfriend says I look like a dishy Italian!""said Miss Conceited. ''Then he's right said her little brother.''Sophia Loren?'' ""No-spaghetti!''"

"What is the opposite of /r/upliftingnews? /r/news"

"I have an extensive library of over 2,000 classic, important books just in case you have a question about the first 54 pages of one of them."

"I tried to upload the superbowl to... Pornhub, but they dont accept rape."

"I just saw a woman getting into a car the wrong way. Through the driver's door."

"I just saw two really large spiders dancing to some 1980s music. I think they were Duran Durantulas."