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Joke of the Day

"Having children teaches you patience, humility, love and to never, ever, be surprised when you find a Barbie doll leg clogging the toilet."

"What is white, moody, easy to beat and makes me do stupid stuff? My penis."

"I can't wait till Harriet Tubman is on the $20 bill That means I can legally own a black person again."

"I'm not flirting, I'm being friendly. *gets on knees and undoes your belt*"

"How Pokemon go came to be Customers: ""Niantic, can we have 151 Pokemon?"" Niantic: ""147 Pokemon? You want to have 145 Pokemon?! What are you going to do with 142 Pokemon?!"""

"I'm at my most Michael Phelps when I find out someone has peed in the pool."

"Damn girl are you a Rubik's cube? Because fuck you, you stupid piece of shit."

"There's no ""I"" in ""denial""."

"(Macbeth and lady Macbeth) ""I killed King Duncan"" Macbeth wtf!! ""You told me to!!"" I didn't think you'd do it omg lmao savage"

"The Outsiders: Why is Ponyboy lactose intolerant? He hates Dairy but likes Sodapop."