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Joke of the Day

"DOG 911: What's your emer- DOG: HE THREW A BALL BUT I CAN'T FIND IT DOG 911: He still holding it? DOG: YES! HOW'D HE FETCH IT BEFORE ME??"

"I think at my age the next tattoo will be more responsible like a dragon across my back but doing his taxes."

"Two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff. Ba-dum psshh!"

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Unless that beholder is your mom cause we all know that doesn't count."

"Why did the square breakup with the circle? She wasn't edgy enough!"

"What does a food lover do when they try a new food? They CURIOUSLY MASTERCATE."

"A shake for breakfast. A shake for lunch. A sensible dinner. SEVENTY FIVE COOKIES AT 12:34AM"

"My family used to move a lot when I was a kid, but I always found them."

"Hearthstone's TGT Decks are live! Log In and Play!"

"[commercial for soup] NARRATOR: ever wanna drink a sandwich?"