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Joke of the Day

"I wish women would put the toilet seat back up after they're done using it."

"Everytime I close my eyes, I think of you... 'cuz damn..It's sooo black just like you, nikah! --- I'm sorry..."

"My boss calls me chief, so I really don't know who's in charge anymore. I hope it's not me because I haven't been paying attention."

"I don't understand why everyone is mad at Lance Armstrong... Like I give him props... Have you ever tried biking before on drugs? It's fucking hard."

"Where did Little Suzie go when the bomb hit? Everywhere."

"alcohol is never the answer, unless the question is, ""why were you barely conscious on the kitchen floor eating dog food?"""

"If Hannibal Lector is not a vegetarian, what is he? A humanitarian."

"Whats a mile long and has a thousand arms? The train to Auschwitz. Some German guy i used to play Path of Exile with told it to me."

"can't wait to see how dudes figure out how to still get really mad at each other when cars are all self-driving"

"If the opposite of impossible is Possible & the opposite of immature is Mature, you can conclude that i'm a very Portant person to some."