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Joke of the Day
"What makes you think this is my first time?"
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"What do you call a Chinese Millionaire? Cha Ching"
"Life is like a box of chocolates, The good ones are always gone before I get there!"
"There's a reason why we can't hit bitches. That would be animal abuse"
"So, a friend of mine claims to be really body-positive, but... ...I saw him comment on a picture of a fat woman in Wal-Mart comparing her to a pachyderm. I told him to stop being so hippo-critical."
"Don't be silly! A kid's name doesn't affect the type of person they become. Now come and hold my sweet baby Lucifer Charles Manson Hitler."
"What qualifies as a ""short stack"" of pancakes? I mean, 2.5 feet is relatively short, right? Yes? Okay cool. Then I just ate a short stack."
"u chill bro? u enlightened bro? u got the secret bro? u feel the oneness bro? u transcendental bro? u alive bro?"
"Top Gear was twelve years old... That's one of the oldest things that the BBC staff have fucked."
"You know, gas prices really aren't that bad when you consider that you're essentially buying dinosaurs in liquid form."