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Joke of the Day
"There are three kinds of people in the world... ...Those who can count, and those who can't."
Next Joke
"Oh, man. My grandma caught me texting my OTHER grandma and now things are super tense."
"I work for the government which means I have to enter 2 passwords in order to print documents that are open to the public."
"Q: How many Aquarians does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Well you have to remember that everything is energy so..."
"National product once got caught picking his nose and eating it thus forever being known as gross national product."
"What did the mom say to her son when he said he didn't want any of her flippin' pancakes? Fine. They will just be burnt on one side."
"The worst thing about babies is how little they appreciate all the sleep they get."
"Whenever someone says ""I don't have a horse in that race"" I respond with ""You don't have a horse at all, Reggie. You have a cat & diabetes."""
"(Date) Me: Sorry I have terrible anxiety and get picnic attacks. Her: You mean panic attacks? Me: *pulling basket out* Oh god make it stop"
"When asked if they would have sex with Bill Clinton, 86% of women in D.C. said, ""Not again."""