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Joke of the Day

"My boss accused me of sticking my finger in his BD cake in the break room fridge, but he is completely wrong, it wasn't my finger."

"Climate skeptics and 9/11-truthers unite! Alternative fuel can't melt steel beams!"

"what kind of pants does a monkey wear? ma-khakis"

"I will be learning Hebrew in Jew course..."

"I only star inspirational tweets from 15 year-old white girls, because they've obviously got the deepest insight into the human experience."

"My dentist is going to be so proud of me! I've been brushing my teeth like ten times a day since I started using Betty Crocker toothpaste."

"I like to listen to the Star Fox theme song to congratulate myself for having a successful string of social interactions"

"Why did god invent the yeast infection?(x-post from r/funny) To show women what it's like to live with an irritated cunt."

"You know what this new carpet needs? For me to open a tube of blue toothpaste, and jump up and down on it. - My 4yo. Apparently."

"Received definitive proof I'm going blind AND senile this morning as I just attempted to pinch zoom the newspaper."