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Joke of the Day

"Cop 1: You think Simon will escape? Cop 2: Nah, he's locked up in there good. Simon: Simon Says free me. Cop 1: Dang it, he got us."

"How was my soup? Souperb."

"I bet you haven't heard of this new movie Constipation... ...it hasn't come out yet."

"I saw a sign that said ""watch for kids""... Sounds like a fair trade."

"WRITING TIP: Every movie should start with a close-up of an alarm clock going off and a hand clumsily trying to silence it."

"Did you hear what happened after an Iranian mullah walked head-first into an airplane propeller? The shi'ite really hit the fan."

"Why is Mrs. Claus disappointed? because Santa came early! I'll let myself out."

"Do penises and testicles have much in common? Not really. There's a vas deferens between the two."

"Lost: bucket of sand, silt, and gravel Great sedimental value. (I can't take credit. Read it in a university paper 20 years ago.)"

"One of the worst things you can possibly do to someone is return their text with a call."