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Joke of the Day

"Girls pants are like a cheap hotel... ... no ballroom."

"My ""Sleep Number"" is vodka."

"You know what they say about wizards with big hands? The have big staffs"

"I cook with wine sometimes I even add it to the food."

"What does a Jamaican Liar sit on? Deceit."

"Why did Saddam Hussein never have sex? ....because he was afraid he'd see Bush."

"Hipsters hate rivers. Too mainstream."

"What did one strawberry say to the other strawberry? If you hadn't been so fresh, we wouldn't be in this jam!"

"[bedroom] TRANSFORMER WIFE: Honey, this is silly. I'd never cheat on you. TRANSFORMER HUSBAND: Okay....hey, when did we get that wardrobe?"

"Don't you hate when someone without kids tells you how to parent? I think I know how much alcohol my kids can handle."