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Joke of the Day

"Leo finally won an Oscar. His acting must have been a solid 5/7."

"There was a kidnapping in my neighborhood today... So i woke him up."

"What does a queen bee do when she burps ? Issues a royal pardon !"

"What do a black guy and a paraplegic have in common? They're both only three fifths of a person"

"If websites were athletes, Reddit would be a fencer. Obsessed with points and always reposting."

"And the Best McDonald's Employee of the Month goes to Mad Max: Fury Road."

"If I answer you with my voice two octaves higher than normal, ""whaaaaat?!"" then one octave lower than normal, ""noooooo,"" the answer was yes."

"The Awkward Moment When Your Dog has Girlfriend and you still Single"

"What's the similarity between pessimists and people with a phobia of sausages? They both fear the wurst"

"I used to be into BDSM, beastiality, and necrophilia... But I realized I was just beating a dead horse. EDIT: poster does not condone the beating of any horse; living, dead, undead, or imaginary."