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Joke of the Day

"Why are there no gay men in the army reserves? All of the fruits are diploid"

"My kid threatened to hold her breath until I gave her dessert. Now she's a pearl diver in the Philippines & can afford her own damn dessert."

"I bet Columbus was super pissed when he rolled up in the Santa Maria only to find Dora had already explored America."

"Elmo: Oscar, why are you a grouch? Oscar: Growing up, my parents were- *stabs Elmo with broken beer bottle* CUZ I LIVE IN A TRASHCAN."

"Count Dooku has always been puzzled by his wife, Sue."

"I backed a horse at 10/1 yesterday... It came in at quarter past 4."

"What do you get if you cross a firefly and a moth ? An insect who can find its way around a dark wardrobe !"

"Two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff... Ba dun tsshh"

"What's the difference between a vampire and a cookie? You can't dip a vampire in your tea."

"And He said unto Mike, ""Come forth and have eternal life."" But Mike came fifth, and won a blender."