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Joke of the Day

"Stress from children can take 10 yrs off your life Drinking alcohol from stress can take another 10 yrs Based on my math, I died 5 yrs ago"

"I wonder what TSA would do if I brought a block of ice through airport security. My physics teacher said it's not a liquid."

"What do you find inside a clean nose? Fingerprints"

"Tip of the day: When there's a will...find a way to be in it!"

"Me: Siri set an alarm for 6am tomorrow morning. I want to go to the gym before work. Siri: Lol"

"Men at 25 play football. Men at 40 play tennis. Men at 60 play golf. Have you noticed that as you get older your balls get smaller?"

"Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees? 'Cause they are freaking good at it"

"A woman flashed her tits at me today.... I just sat there and giggled like a school boy. Then she said to me "" will you stop mucking around and check this lump, doctor."""

"Q: What does Clinton do to lose weight? A: Runs away from the draft."

"I'm thinking of starting a Death-Metal themed take-away joint that caters to Pirates. I'm gonna call it ""Pizzas of Hate""."