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Joke of the Day

"What's heavier: a ton of gold or a ton of feathers? The feathers. The gold's weight is measured using the Troy measurement system in which an ounce is 12 ""regular"" ounces. The more you know..."

"Why is North Korea so cruel? Because it doesn't have a Seoul!"

"What do post-impressionist painters sing when painting a Frozen landscape? Let it Gogh!"

"Turned off autocorrect and I've never been happyer."

"What's the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa Claus? Santa stops at 3 hoes"

"What's the difference between an old-time organ grinder and a heroin addict? One has a monkey on a leash and the other has a monkey on his back."

"What do you call a frozen hamburger? A ham-brrr-ger. my 7yo claims she made it up herself."

"I bought a blowup doll today, but I won't blow her up until tomorrow. I don't want to seem desperate."

"Do you know what's really tiring../? ... being awake."

"Fart tutor wanted, must have references"