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Joke of the Day

"My career as a professional rock climber is going great, but I'm also taking a course in mattress-making. Just so I've got something to fall back on."

"A rabbit's favourite Christmas song? 'Lettuce with a gladsome mind'"

"You know what's pretty much the same as 9/11? 0.81818"

"Just met up with an old friend yesterday I asked where he's been I haven't seen him in years. He replied jail, cops don't approve of you selling pot in a school zone."

"I told my girlfriend we can either have sex, or go see Star Wars. She said ""I'm on my period and Star Wars is sold out,"" but she pulled some strings and got me in."

"Marriage is like a coffin and each kid is another nail."

"Is a brain dead cow a vegetable? My room mate came up with this one earlier, has anyone ever heard it?"

"How do you know when a blond is having a bad day? Because a tampon is behind her ear and she can't find her pencil."

"Pretty cool how there are athletes preparing to head to the Olympics in a little over a month and I just got winded making my bed."

"What is Hillary Clinton's favorite arcade game? PAC-Man."