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Joke of the Day

"""You gotta try the lobs-"" - I'll should tell you... ""Yes?"" - We're not having sex. ""OK."" - What were you saying? ""The chicken here's great."""

"Are you an atheist, but uncomfortable with the atheist movement? Join the atheist stillness"

"All mushrooms are edible. ...Once."

"I'm so old that I was the tv remote when I was a kid"

"Scientists have grown human vocal chords in a Petri dish. The results speak for themselves."

"Did you hear about the librarian who wanted to get arrested? Turns out she just wanted to get booked."

"you are so beautiful without makeup. -my husband, after he saw i spent $62 on an eyeshadow."

"I said to my dyslexic mate, ""Guess which band has split up?"" He said, ""Erm..."""

"Why did the Priest go to Walmart? Because the little boys pants were half off."

"I saw Denzel Washington on the street today. I said ""Hey Denzel! Can I get a picture with you?"" And he's all like ""I'm not Denzel Washington you racist piece of shit."" Classic Denzel."