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Joke of the Day

"Is there an app that will make my iPhone go get my iPad which is way over there on the desk next to my iMac? iHopeso."

"I wonder if caterpillars know they're gonna fly some day or they just start building a cocoon and are like 'why am I doing this'."

"I'm starting a support group for people who think they are mortgages. The most important thing is for them to realize that they are not a loan."

"You know that feeling of shame, when you put it in the wrong hole? You wonder why it doesn't fit, and when you look down you just get sad. I'm talking about belts, of course. What did you think!?"

"A blind man walks into a bar Then into a chair, then into table."

"If you use the word ""ridonkulous"" or ""ginormous,"" chances are you're a retardiot."

"When I was young I used to pray for a bike, then I realized that God doesn't work that way, so I stole a bike and prayed for forgiveness."

"Telescopes probably use mirrors which means there is absolutely no way to know how many vampires there are in space."

"Whoa. Whoa. Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa. WHOA. WHOA. Whoa. WHOA! WHOOOOOOOOOA! This horse is an idiot."

"Are you a can of biscuits? Because I'd like to bang you on the counter."