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Joke of the Day

"Did you see the headline about the 5 foot tall psychic that escaped from prison? It was: ""Small medium at large"""

"Watching a birth is beautiful. Not knowing any of the parties in the delivery room & singing Salt-N-Pepa's ""Push It"" will get you arrested."

"How many walruses does it take to make a sandwich? Don't be silly, walruses don't make sandwiches; women make sandwiches. Made this up to bug my sister. It worked. Her husband laughed."

"You know you've truly grown up when you realize your parents knew exactly what they were talking about"

"Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other COCK!"

"""My date was cute but he couldnt perform in the bedroom."" *cuts to me in bedroom butchering Wonderwall on guitar* i swear this never happens"

"The ending for Toy Story 3 only Andy sells his toys to get weed money and makes a bong out of Mr. Potato Head."

"Was George Michael an organ donor? Because he's gonna be pissed when he hears what happend to his heart."

"'What other miracles can you do?' Jesus: I can varnish 'You mean vanish?' J: *running finger over a beautiful oak table* aha, not quite"

"my favorite game is called ""Secret Family."" I go to the movies & sit near a group of strangers & pretend they love me"