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Joke of the Day

"How accurate is the bible? Very!! Especially when thrown from a short distance...hits the target almost always."

"You know who hates unexpected visitors? Osama Bin Ladin"

"Apparently, some parents are not appreciative of a sweet super supportive air horn during a children's piano recital."

"What candy do you give your wife before you get married? Pre-nup brittle."

"Thought Experiment: Stand on a scale in an elevator. Cut the cable. You, the scale, and the elevator fall -- scale reads zero"

"Spread me apart, lick, & enjoy my cream! ~Oreos, you pervs"

"If someone feeds you alphabet soup... Is that putting words in your mouth? Also, if they are about to feed you and pull back, is that taking the words out of your mouth?"

"My son kneed himself on the trampoline. *black eye forming Me: Son, we need to come up with a better story than this."

"A recent study shows that 51.9% of the UK are under educated. It was called the EU referendum."

"There's a new movement against cutting in line. Now that's a movement I can get behind!"