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Joke of the Day

"Two guys are walking down the street when they see a dog licking its own nuts... First guy says, ""I wish I could do that"" The other replies, ""you should try petting him first"""

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"Mrs.Potato seemed genuinely upset that her husband was missing, but the smell of French fries in her kitchen made the detectives suspicious."
"What do you call a sheep without legs? A cloud."
"Not to brag but I have approximately 5000 compact discs I haven't listened to since 2003 that are preventing me from moving on with my life."
"Tried to inhale a pot seed to see if I could grow a pot plant in my lungs. Swallowed it instead and got a pot belly."
"Roe v Wade is my favorite bitter controversy about the best way to cross a small river."
"For the past 2 nights my stomach sounds like cat purring when I lay down. I'm terrified to Web MD this. I'm too young to have kittens."
"Like The Purge but everyone is tryin to murder Tim Allen & become the next Santa. Pls donate on kickstarter so I can finally feed my family."
"how many chefs does it take to change a,light bulb ? one to do it, and five others to tell him how they did it differently in their last kitchen."
"How does a one-legged Chinese man walk? He takes a great leap forward."