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Joke of the Day

"Airport receptionist: anything to declare? Me: how bout these guns? *flexes* Her: OH GOD HE'S GOT GUNS! Me: wait.. I was.. Her: HELP!! AGH!"

"Alcoholics don't run in my family... They stumble everywhere."

"Nothing soothes the soul like seeing a huge muscular guy walking with a tiny ice cream cone"

"*slips into milk bath* *starts drinking*"

"What's the difference between a bull and a cow? A bull smiles when you milk it."

"How do you confuse a Jew? Put the bacon on sale for half-off."

"What do you call an anorexic with a yeast infection? A quarter pounder w cheese ;^]"

"Some cats just sit there looking at you like you owe them money."

"[Taylor Swift on toilet, going #2. Kanye jumps out of her shower] ""Yo, Taylor- I'm really happy for you & I'm-a let you finish, but..."""

"""IT'S NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN"" I yell while running in the opposite direction."