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Joke of the Day

"My girlfriend caught me masturbating to Michael Jackson. She asked what I was doing I told her to beat it."

"CASHIER: $57.85 ME: do u accept food stamps C: of course M: sweet *presses my apple stamper to an ink pad* which hand do u want it on"

"*Pays $450 for ticket to hockey game. *spends the whole game on iPhone."

"The best things in life are free. My neighbor's unsecured wi-fi, for instance."

"I lost both my hands in a car crash... But there is a silver lining somewhere. I just can't put my finger on it."

"Ha, ha ha... wow. What do you get when you mix tea and a dogs name? A dinosaur! Ha ha get it? Tea-rex? Hahaha..."

"Man's appearance is not the most important thing. There are worse flows."

"When you see geese flying to warmer a climate ever wonder why one side of the V is longer? It's because that side has more geese."

"Xbox One and PS4 Get into a car crash... And here comes the ambulance ""WIIUWIIUWIIUWIIUWIIU"""

"Dove: ..then he called me a fat pigeon! [sobs] Prince: ""There there, cry it out"" [starts recording] Um, you are a therapist, right? ""Sure"""