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Joke of the Day

"How many theoretical physicists does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two, one to hold the bulb and one to rotate the universe."

"that horrifying moment when a kid asks u to help find his mom bc he was always told if he was lost to ask a grownup & u realize ur a grownup"

"A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection. Judge asks, ""First offender?"" She replied: ""No, first a Gibson, and then a Fender."""

"Sea World threw me out for trying to ride the manatee What's the big deal? It's not like I did it on porpoise!"

"I am not an alcoholic. I simply enjoy living in liquid medium."

"Dis earing letters? There's an 'app' for that."

"What's a pirate's favorite element on the periodic table? Gold! (works better when told - most will interrupt with ""Arrrrrrrrrgon!"")"

"Polynesian Hey, ever heard of the homesick, nymphomaniac Polynesian girl? Yeah, she kept longing for Samoa...."

"Why did EA cross the road? BUY THE SEASON PASS TODAY TO FIND OUT!"

"Well, well, well. Looks like I may have a lawsuit on my hands: a gynecologist refused to treat me, and I'm pretty sure it's because I'm gay."