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Joke of the Day

"Why did the two most senior nuns in the convent break up a German terror plot to steal millions in bearer bonds? Old habits die hard"

"Turns out that when asked which was my favourite of all the X-Men that ""Caitlyn Jenner"" was not a valid answer."

"How long do you need to know someone before sharing fries? Because I'm about to introduce myself to the girl at the end of the bar."

"Sorry I mispronounced your baby's name you made up."

"Why is the new Star Wars film called Rogue One? Because it's a rogue film - a Star Wars prequel that won't be complete shit."

"I want a real relationship; not a Facebook one"

"Why are they called Tuna Fish? Because they don't swim in pairs. Are there two of those fish? Nahhh."

"I was reading in the paper... And I saw this article about this dwarf that got pick pocketed. I thought to myself, ""How could anyone stoop so low?"""

"I like how my autocorrect changes ""hun"" to ""Hun,"" like I'm playfully referring to my girlfriends as barbarous 4th-century European nomads."

"There are two types of people in this world :) and (:"