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Joke of the Day

"Why is it illegal for a person living in Virginia to be buried in Texas? ...because they're still alive."

"You shouldn't joke fat people. They have enough on their plate as it is."

"Why did the cow slap the bull? He didn't play well with udders."

"My bf thinks I'm obsessed with Linkin Park so he broke up with me... But in the end, it doesn't even matter"

"Doctors seem to have cornered the market on so-called ""medical advice."""

"I'm busy now. Can I ignore you some other time?"

"How do you milk an almond?"

"Today at school, my teacher said I needed to stop doing my impression of a Flamingo That's when I had to put my foot down. EDIT: some shit"

"How does an Alcoholic teach the ABC's to their children? Backwards."

"Policeman: Why did you lead me on a high-speed chase? Motorist: Because you'd catch me on a slow one."