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Joke of the Day

"Sometimes one middle finger isn't enough to let someone know how you feel. That's why you have two hands."

"You look cute without glasses. my glasses."

"How can you tell if a person is vegan They tell you the minute you meet them"

"What did the bread say before it jumped into the toaster? ""I'M BREADY TO DIE"""

"Wife: I left the kids with you for a half hour & they dumped 3 pounds of sugar in the dryer trying to make cotton candy. Me: Did it work?"

"Hey, the 1700's called, they said please invent telephones."

"I hate when people ask me where I see myself in 3 years. I'm blind"

"My wife left me *sobs uncontrollably*"

"How do you tell if a girl is ticklish? You give her a test-tickle."

"A farmer in Devon has made history by growing a field of dildos! Unfortunately she's had a lot of problems with squatters."