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Joke of the Day

"Wife: I left the kids with you for a half hour & they dumped 3 pounds of sugar in the dryer trying to make cotton candy. Me: Did it work?"

"If the FBI wants to get into people's iPhone's without permission... They should just ask U2"

"What does a dyslexic zombie say? Brian's ... Briiiiiiiiian's!!!"

"So, why were they called the dark ages? There were too many knights."

"What's long and hard on a black guy? A math test."

"What do you call a Jihadist that loves turkey? A Tryptophanatic."

"My science test was like Jesus and the Cross... I fucking nailed it. Ok, I'll go now."

"Being Bipolar sucks... I love it"

"- Doctor, kiss me! - I can't. We, the doctors, follow a very strict work ethic that does not allow us to kiss our patients. Honestly speaking, I should have never even fucked you in the first place!"

"Why do pigs run into trees? To shake out the alligators. I've never seen an alligator In a tree. That's because the pigs do such a good job."