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Joke of the Day

"Me: Help! i need my stomach pumped. 911 Operator: Did you ingest poison, ma'am? Me: No. Pizza."

"A skeleton walks into a bar... He orders one beer and a mop."

"I'm so sick I feel like a white boy at his first Kanye concert (masterpiece)"

"What does Mexican binary code consist of? Zeros and Juans."

"My son is in hospital because of one little driving mistake. He beat me at Mario Kart."

"*kisses new boss on lips as I say goodbye at the end of my first day*"

"Million dollar idea: Nutella, but super healthy."

"What's the difference between a lobster and an oriental woman run over by a steamroller? One's a crustacean and the other a crushed Asian."

"Kids go as the devil and bigfoot on Halloween all the time, but I go as a pedophile and suddenly I'm a weirdo."

"I was going to spend the next 6 years studying medicine to become a doctor. Then I realized I could just like Facebook photos to save lives."