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Joke of the Day

"needs to stop keeping the cocaine next to the coffee creamer. I screwed up again. drinking a cup now and it has that weird milky taste."

"I got my mind on my monkey and my monkey on my back."

"""For I am Christ the Redeemer, He Who Saves!""- Jesus, using his coupons."

"Why did the chicken cross the road? To prove to the squirrels that it can be done."

"I nearly bought a car today but had a lucky escape when I checked the fine print I discovered it had driver aids ..!"

"I guess Stephen Hawking tried stand-up comedy recently He failed miserably."

"Sue: I'm off to the hairdressers, what sort of cut would make me look beautiful? *giggles* Stan: A power cut."

"COP: PUT YOUR HANDS UP OCTOPUS: They're tentacles COP: OK PUT ALL 8 TENTACLES UP OCTOPUS: Two are my legs, dude COP: Just go. I give up."

"Two Guys Peeing off a bridge- One guy looks over at the other- ""Man, This water is Cold! ""Yeah...It's deep, Too-"

"I used to date a girl with a lazy eye, I had to dump her because she kept seeing guys on the side."