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Joke of the Day

"How many disappointments can you fit into a van? I don't know, I can't get them outside of the house."

"""God is good all the time!"" Yeah. Not you though, Russ. You sucked for 55 frigging minutes."

"What's the difference between a lentil and a chick pea? I won't pay $200 to have a lentil on my face."

"The best thing about telepathy is...I know, right?"

"What do you call a violent Buddhist? A Zero."

"Why is SAE not that racist? Because some of their best friends are black... for halloween!"

"there once was a wonderful poet who knew that one day he woud blow it cuz his poems woud rhyme most of the time but occasionaly they didnt"

"Why can't Helen Keller drive a car? Because she's a woman."

"Why did the Tinman not go to the ball? His heart wasn't in it."

"[1st date] [to self] Don't let her know ur a boa constrictor Her: ""How's your meal?"" [i've dislocated my jaw & swallowed the whole table]"