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Joke of the Day

"Recently HP fucked up on my order of a Laserjet they've sent me a fucking printer instead!"

"There's nothing more disappointing for a woman than finding out a bearded guy in a flannel shirt is a hipster and not a lumberjack."

"Blood is thicker than water. Then again, so is oatmeal, and I would much rather be oatmeal brothers."

"My nickname in the North Pole is 'comma' I had sex with Santa's wife and separated the clauses"

"Why did the lesbian cross the road? To get to the other bride! *Congrats, America!*"

"If a Republican candidate who is hated by the GOP establishment and loathed by half the country just won the election... ...maybe Hillary should consider running as a Republican!"

"If I have written a tweet similar to yours, I apologize for your lack of depth and vision."

"This may be the wine talking but help he's drinking me, he's drinking me."

"How does a redhead shave his pubes? Gingerly"

"I had a huge erection. I started running and hit a wall. You know what broke? My nose."