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Joke of the Day

"Due to an unforeseen error during last night's love making session I am forced to wear non matching socks today"

"It sucks that bowtie pasta is the only edible formal wear my grocery store carries."

"Always use a fish knife when eating fish, a tomato knife when eating tomato, and a Swiss Army knife when eating a member of the Swiss army."

"Sorry, science, but religion promised me a place where I'll get to hang out with Grandma again."

"If you love someone, set them on fire. If they don't come back they aren't a phoenix and were completely useless to you anyway."

"I broke up with my girlfriend while we were jogging. I guess we had a good run."

"Why is 9 afraid of 7? Because 7 ate a bunch of PCP and is going apeshit!"

"How many X does it take to change a light bulb? N! One to change the light bulb, and n-1 to display stereotypical behavioral traits of X!"

"I always live in constant fear that a bicep avi is gonna steal my lady and treat her right"

"GOD: Mark, I have chosen you. You will know answers to all of life's mysteries, just listen to the voicemail I left you. ME: voicemail? ugh"