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Joke of the Day

"Whenever I throw bread at the birds in the river I always miss Because they duck."

"I wish dreams were like Chatroulette and you could just click ""Next"" when you see a guy in a Mickey Mouse costume jerking off."

"Met an old friend... I ran into an old friend the other day. He asked if I was getting any on the side. I told him, ""It's been a long time, but I didn't know they'd moved it over."""

"Olive Oil What's the difference between virgin olive oil and regular olive oil? Popeye's cock."

"Where does a race on the Swedish border end at? The Finnish line."

"Carpenters are only in it for them shelves."

"Why was everyone mad after the annual animal race? Because the winner was a cheetah"

"At the grocery store. Customer: ""Are these GMO carrots?"" Worker: ""No, why do you ask?"" Carrot: ""Yeah, why do you ask?"""

"I'm opening a tennis themed bar... I'm calling it ""First Come, First Served"""

"Beauty and the Beast is an introvert's worst nightmare. You stay home alone miles from people and then the damn dishes start talking to you."