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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between the Polish and polish? No one bats an eye if you use chemicals to remove polish, but if you use chemicals to remove the Polish, most of the world will turn against you"

"My little Nephew told me this one. What do Trees and Dogs have in common? Bark."

"Wife: You should cut the grass. Me: Yes, dear. W: And, you really need to trim that bush. M: *mumbles* Yeah, you too. W: What? M: Yes, dear."

"I've got a new pet salamander.. I named it Tiny because it is my newt"

"You'll never understand unconditional love until the birth of a child. Or hear the beep of a microwave with your burrito."

"Nicholas Cage is the same character in every movie he makes, except Face off where he was John Travolta."

"What is an injured persons favorite movie? Cast Away"

"My Girlfriend wanted me to give her anal. I said fuck that shit."

"GF looking at lines in carpet: Aww, you vacuumed for me? Me: *flashback to me rollerblading in the living room* Sure did, babe."

"What happened to the adhesive suicide bomber? He glue up."