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Joke of the Day

"What is an injured persons favorite movie? Cast Away"

"I paid $10 and got $20 worth of fishing supplies. It was a net gain."

"LUCY: Dad, how did I get my name? [flashback] ME (signing contract in blood): Ok but can we at least shorten it? LUCIFER: That's fine"

"The date had been magic. We moved to her couch & kissed. That's when horror struck as my eyes locked on the Duck Dynasty DVDs on her shelf."

"The difference between an European that feels fat and an American that feels the same? The European goes to the gym, the American goes to Jim's."

"As a kid playing parent, I never accounted for the 8 hours a week I'd lose taking underwear out of inside out pants while doing laundry."

"daddy's lap Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady. Mom: Well, you have done the right thing. Son: But mom, I was sitting on daddy's lap."

"A man was asked if he would rather have a new circular saw or a ladder... He chose the latter."

"*stranded on island* *puts message in bottle and throws it into sea* *years later gets message back* what's updog? *fist pump*"

"Never look at the guy riding a unicycle, you're giving him what he wants"