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Joke of the Day

"Mothers, out of the 300 guys you're friends with on Facebook, I can guarantee not even 1 of them wants to see a picture of your baby."

"I don't know why I thought Palm Sunday had something to do with masturbation. My apologies to those waiting to use the confessional."

"I spend like $600 every month on free trials for stuff I forgot to cancel."

"How do you spell wrong? R?o?n?g. That's wrong. That's what you asked for isn't it?"

"[Riding a saddled turtle] BATTLE TORTOISE, GOOOO!! [turtle just goes normal speed for turtles] Aww man."

"Never get a circumcision from an unqualified professional It's a rip off"

"Guy walks into an amusement park ... and sees a big sign that reads, ""Three balls 25"" So he walks up to the lady behind the counter, pulls down his pants and says, ""Ok, gimme a quarter."""

"Who would steal an artificial leg? I'm stumped."

"The plan to get my dog to swallow semen is coming on a treat"

"I'm a passive aggressive driver. I pass other drivers and then aggressively speed towards the next one."