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Joke of the Day

"Why is Whitney Houston good at video games? One of her strong suits is HAAND EEEEEEEYYYEEEE coordination."

"I don't mean to denigrate women. (Ladies, ""denigrate"" means to put-down or patronize.)"

"When the pope dines with homeless people hes an amazing person. When I do it I'm just another homeless person."

"I was eating out this girl the other day and there was Horse semen in there and I was like ""Damn,Grandma that is how you died"""

"Irritating An irritating friend took a drink from my wife's beer and said, ""Ha,Ha, this is one step from kissing your wife!"" ""Yes it is,"" I replied, ""and two steps from sucking my dick."""

"So, how do you make your truck look like Lance Armstrong? hang one tennis ball from the tailgate!!"

"Whoever said the way to a man's heart is through his stomach... Was aiming a little high..."

"fuck that. A guy frantically searches his room then asks his grandma if she has found a bottle labeled LSD. Fuck that replies granny, have you seen the fucking dragon in the kitchen?"

"We've run out of coffee so my girlfriend pressured me into knocking next door. So I knocked and awkwardly asked them to go to the shops."

"Hey Amish person reading this: Busted."