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Joke of the Day

"I love it when you call me Medium Poppa! Throw your hands in the air if you's a moderately attractive single lady with no kids or debt!"

"ME: Do we have Bacon Bits? WIFE: Fridge. Why? ME: *filling pockets* No reason *dog park* PERSON: Sorry. He's normally behaved ME: No prob"

"By iPhone 30, you'll have a choice. Whether to buy an iPhone or an island in the Caribbean."

"What kind of moron invented the fire blanket Surely fire is warm enough already?"

"The headline ""WORLD'S OLDEST PERSON DIES"" could also be ""WORLD HAS NEW OLDEST PERSON""."

"What do you call it when batman skips church? Christian Bale."

"How is Bill Cosby like an environment at 0 Kelvin? When around both, one eventually stops moving. Forgive me."

"Did you hear about the Rabbi who showed up to the circumcision drunk? He got the sack."

"I once heard a story of a man who played Destiny, trying to get the greatest boots of all time, named The Dubstep Grieves. He died waiting for the drop."

"Theodore Roosevelt had sage words for men needing dating advice. Speak softly and have a big dick."