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Joke of the Day

"If there's a denim jacket on my doorknob it means I'm having sex with a werewolf."

"What's O. J. Simpson's Internet address? Slash slash backslash slash slash escape."

"Trainer: Why do you want to learn jujitsu? Person 1: To defend myself. Person 2: Discipline. Me: My girlfriend keeps stealing my fries."

"I bet Jesus would have instagrammed a lot of pics of wine."

"Whats the best thing you get out of a penis? The wrinkles."

"Guys are always saying they get their woman to make them a sandwich right after sex. If she can walk straight after having sex, you're doing it wrong! Go make your own damn sandwich!"

"Roses are red, violets are blue. Sugar is sweet, and so are you. But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead. The sugar bowls empty and so is your head."

"My friend starting hearing bagpipes in the back of his head I swear, I think he has Scotsophrenia."

"Did you hear about the pirate who used to walk the plank every night? Well, he couldn't afford a dog."

"The end of the month is like stubbing your little toe in the dark. You're probably broke and there's nothing you can do about it."