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Joke of the Day

"A guy walks into a bar with a gun and asks out loud ""who had sex with my wife!?"" A voice up the back said, ""you don't have enough bullets!"""

"You know you're an adult when you suddenly start taking Bert's side over Ernie's."

"Want to know why I like space heaters? ""They make great housewarming gifts"""

"Why do they call it a third eye? If its on your fourhead?"

"Why do some fish always look high? Because of all the seaweed."

"I hate when I accidentally say ""I love you"" instead of ""I'm biologically driven to want to reproduce with you & I'm temporarily delusional"""

"The very first joke I ever learned as a kid. How much does it cost for a pirate to get his ears pierced? A Buccaneer. (Wah, wah, wah, waaaaahhhhh)"

"If you have time-stamped VHS footage of yourself blowing out birthday candles, you'll eventually be abducted."

"What did the snail say when he was riding on the back of the turtle? Weeeeeeeeee"

"I rented a prostitute for $60 an hour, I paid her 50 cents."