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Joke of the Day

"Judas: The one I kiss is Jesus Christ. Soldier: You can just point to him. Judas: (putting on lip-balm) I don't tell you how to do your job."

"www.reddit.com See Above."

"Do you know what ""relative humidity"" is? It's that little drop of sweat that forms on the tip of your nose when you're fucking your cousin."

"My **** is like a bronze medal... Everyone gets it, no one wants it"

"What type of lunch do you get at an air show? A plain one."

"You know what I'd like for Christmas, mom? I'd like you to stop treating me like a child. Also I'd like some money and some new socks."

"The check engine light could be more specific...is it 'holy shit stop the car right now' or 'proceed with caution for the next 6000 miles'?"

"[first date] Boy: so where are you from? Me: [points to all you can eat sign] I live here now."

"What does love mean to a tennis player? Nothing"

"What's the difference between a deaf person and my wife? I don't know."