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Joke of the Day

"How do footballers send messages? By referee-mail."

"Why did the scarecrow get an award? He was out standing in his field"

"*wife comes out in a robe* I'm hiding your present Yes it's wrapped Nooo, it's not in the fridge [5 minutes later] IT'S NOT IN THE FRIDGE!"

"Why did all of the frog guidance counselor's students become construction workers? The only advice he could give them was ""rivet, rivet."""

"My girlfriend from high school called today. She's stoked about getting her driver's license."

"I was in a job interview. ""What is your biggest strength?"" ""I am always on time."" ""And your biggest weakness?"" ""I get annoyed when my dealer is late."""

"Why did the walrus go to the tuppeware party? To find a tight seal.. Badum tsst"

"If you think politicians are the best at 'spin'... you should listen more at funerals."

"Why did the 3d modeler need back surgery? He injured his spline!"

"if you're stuck in a group text, an easy way out is to throw your phone in the street and start a new life"