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Joke of the Day

"Excuse me? Do you work at Little Ceasars? Cuz Ur Hot And I'm Ready."

"Hostess: enjoy these complimentary after dinner mints Mints: you have beautiful eyes Me: [blushing] wow they're very complimentary"

"Why should you never use r/television 's fridge to store mutton? It always spoils the GoT."

"Get off my lawn. Oh, it's you. Mow the lawn. -My dad"

"Told my kid not to touch the floor of the bathroom, so he licked the doorknob instead. The dumb is strong in this one."

"Why do kangaroos hate rainy days? Because the kids have to play inside."

"Men are simple things. They can survive a whole weekend with only three things: beer, boxer shorts and batteries for the remote control."

"Kid, are you a nuclear reactor? Because you're having a meltdown."

"When a cop pulls you over, pull out a map and ask them for directions until they forget that they pulled you over. -me, right now"

"If Alcoholics Had Written The Declaration Of Independence would we have government of the pickled, by the pickled, and for the pickled?"