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Joke of the Day

"Why should you never use r/television 's fridge to store mutton? It always spoils the GoT."

"Why do infants wake up crying as if they are the ones who have to go out and work!?"

"4 y.o: I used the potty. Can I have a treat? Me: No. You always go in the potty 4: I can stop Me: Apparently I negotiate with terrorists"

"Don't invest in skiing companies The whole sport is going down hill fast"

"[during sex] Can you please take your Fitbit off."

"Apparently Bill Clinton is so sure that Hillary is going to win that he stopped at the tobacco store and bought a box of cigars. He has interviews scheduled for his new interns all day."

"Stop supporting Russian companies! I hear they all use Slav labor!"

"When Trump was a kid wanted to be an astronaut when he grew up... ...but all he was able to accomplish was the first syllable."

"BREAKING NEWS Justin Bieber said... And I quote, ""Only God can Judge me!"" THIS JUST IN ...Apparently I'm God."

"I just sold adderal to a guy who thinks its viagra! Ahh, he'll thank me later."