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Joke of the Day

"If someone calls you fat... Just turn the other chin."

"Literature for the blind What did the blind man say when he picked up a cheese grater? This is the most violent story I've ever read!"

"Everybody says waking up at 5 in the morning to exercise makes you feel great but I think lying in bed for another 2 hours feels better."

"When ever it rains my girlfriend just stands at the window looking sad. Sometimes I even let her in."

"Are you seeing someone? Me: Are you seeing someone? Girl: Um, no. Me: Not even a psychiatrist?"

"I wondered why the truck was getting larger... ... Then it hit me"

"How many dead orphans does it take to change a lightbulb? Obviously more than 10, cause it's still pretty dark in my basement."

"Why did the 16 year old girl get pregnant? She went to Jared."

"TIL Lewis Black is still alive."

"It's a comfort knowing Dad is looking down on me, but we should probably cut his hang-glider out of that tree one of these days."