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Joke of the Day

"I'm against the marriage of anyone whose first instinct is to film and then show the world their elaborate proposal."

"I want to become famous... so that one day, when people approach me asking ""Hey, do I know you from somewhere?"" I can reply with ""I don't know, do you watch a lot of porn?"""

"Him- You're a useless piece of shit.. Me- Show me a useful piece of shit."

"They grow up so fast. My nephew lost his first tooth Saturday night In a fight a with a bouncer"

"""I loves hows you've done me spinach Doc!"" Popeye tells his host. Hannibal winks. ""The secret is to add a bit of Olive Oil."""

"*Smashes the Sony *Destroys the Panasonic *Pummels the Kenwood *Rips apart the Pioneer ~breaking all stereotypes"

"Went into a five-star hotel to use the bathroom and now it's a two-star hotel."

"I texted my ex, I'm at a cemetery..... wish you were here."

"God does exist If you're North Korean"

"Hey, Christianity- what's all the fuss about a virgin anyway? I could be a virgin if I wanted to. But I don't. Because sex. Also? More sex."