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Joke of the Day

"Whenever I shut down my computer, it asks, ""Are you sure you want to shut down your computer?"" Then I wonder if it knows something I don't."

"Why is a cat on a beach like Christmas ? Because they both have ""Sandy claws"" !"

"I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised."

"Nothing puts me in touch with my mortality like stepping onto a downward escalator."

"What does your mom and your driveway have in common? They both have a GARBAGE box."

"What's BROWN and making California a miserable place to live? California Governor Jerry BROWN you racist asshole!"

"""Hey what should we call our multi-million dollar juice company?"" ""Juicy Juice"" ""What? Are you sure? Why don't we-"" ""Juicy. Juice."""

"What do thanksgiving dinner and the refugee crisis in Europe have in common? Turkey and grease"

"I heard Bill Cosby made a sex tape.... Twice as strong as duct tape."

"What's the difference between a pimple and a Catholic Priest? A pimple waits until you're 13-years-old before coming on your face."