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Joke of the Day

"How do you stump an archaeologist? Hand them a used tampon and ask what period it comes from."

"What do a walrus and Tupperware have in common? Both looking for a tight seal."

"Child porn You sick fuck!"

"What does heroin make you feel like? More heroin."

"sorry but if your dog is small enough to be carried away by a falcon then it shouldn't be called a dog"

"Feel The Bern? Oh, I'm feeling it right about now."

"What's so unpleasant about being drunk? Just ask a glass of water! -Douglas Adams"

"[furniture store] Wife: We're putting in a bar. Salesman: OK Wife: And... S: Yes? W: Go ahead, say it. Me: WE'RE GONNA NEED A STOOL SAMPLE."

"They said, ""Dress for the job you want."" Apparently pornstar wasn't a valid option."

"If God was a woman. Not only am I going to hell, I'll never know why."