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Joke of the Day

"My companies biggest customer is the state of Missouri. I guess it's safe to say Missouri loves my company."

"My New Years Resolution 4K"

"Did you know that Diarrhea can kill you? Even if you only drink a little bit."

"Number 1 best thing about waterparks: boobs. I'm sure there's a number 2 best thing, but #1 has got me pretty occupied at the moment."

"What does /r/funny and /r/jokes have in common? I laugh at neither of them."

"If you're feeling down about yourself, it won't help you to know that Honey Boo Boo makes more money than school teachers."

"Two blonds are having a conversation. Two blonds are having a conversation when one says to the other ""I had sex with a brazilian last night"" The other blond replies ""WOW that's a lot of men"""

"Darth Vader: ""Listen Luke, this is a new arrangement for both of us. Let's not force things. Just let me know if you need a hand."""

"Went to my friend's house for a night of drinking... ...crashed on the couch. I was awoken in the middle of the night by my friend blowing chunks. Chunks is the family dog"

"*nose hairs growing out of control *buys tiny scissors *jam them in the eyes of whoever I catch staring at my nose hairs"